ASSERTIVENESS IN ACTION

Being assertive isn't about being aggressive; it's about confidently expressing your thoughts, ideas, and boundaries while fostering collaboration and respect. Assertiveness may not have worked for you in the past, and we'll discover why and how you can change that. Join us to learn practical tips and insights to cultivate your assertiveness, amplify your influence, and lead with authenticity.

Episode 1 - The Overlooked Skill

TRANSCRIPT - EPISODE 1

Hi, this is Eloise, and I’m so happy to be connecting with you right now, before we have a chance to meet live during this week’s masterclass. 

I wanted to get the ball rolling for you right away and share some strategies that you can use to start being a little bit more assertive to get people to pay attention to you, to notice you, and to listen to you. 

I also wanted to shed some light on why assertiveness may not have worked for you in the past, even though you may have been listening to podcasts like these or taking communication training. Because I know that you are more than capable, you are more than well qualified to get the recognition you deserve. 

But somehow your voice is getting lost in the crowd. 

Somehow, the more assertive dominant personalities are taking over. 

And you are left in the corner of the room while you have so much to give. 

This exclusive podcast is created specifically for you, the person who is ambitious, who is driven, who is ready to break whatever glass ceiling is hanging over their head. 

HERE’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW: THE ISSUE HERE IS NOT YOU.

It’s not about your qualifications, the degrees that you have, or your abilities. 

Oftentimes, I’ll hear people say, Oh, well, if I had a degree from this university, or if I had done this training, or if I didn’t have an accent, or if this and that, and they go on and on. 

And they find fault within themselves as to why other people are not paying attention to them as to why they are not being heard as an equal as to why people are not recognizing and trusting their authority and the value that they bring to the table. 

I remember meeting once this incredibly knowledgeable woman who had a PhD in pharmacology, and she said, you know, Eloise, some of the people I work with have even more degrees than I do. Maybe if I had more degrees, too, they would listen to me. 

That broke my heart because there was an incredibly knowledgeable, experienced woman standing in front of me who had a degree that most of us don’t even have and she was questioning her own expertise; she was questioning her own skills, thinking that the reason she wasn’t being heard the reason that people weren’t giving her the recognition and the respect she deserved was because she was lacking another degree. 

And the truth is, it had nothing to do with any of it. It simply had to do with how she expressed herself.

Recognition, value, being heard, the ability to persuade people, the ability to get people to listen to you—this is how you communicate, regardless of the degrees you have, regardless of where you went to school, regardless of whether you have an accent or not, or regardless of whether you’re working in a language that is not your primary language.

IT IS HOW YOU COMMUNICATE AND HOW YOU SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF THAT WILL DETERMINE HOW PEOPLE RESPOND TO YOU. 

So I want you to know that this has nothing to do with you as a person. 

I’ve spent years studying assertiveness and communication and how it can empower individuals, especially women who work in a male-dominated environment, because that’s my background.

As a lawyer who worked internationally in the oil and gas industry, I was often the only woman and the youngest one in the room. I had to figure out a way to get people to listen to me, agree with me, and go along with what I was saying.

Since then, I’ve helped countless professionals like you find their voice and become influential figures in their industry.

Now, how are you going to get there? 

There is a way that you can confidently present your ideas, even challenge decisions by your own superiors when necessary, and effectively influence your team and your superiors without being disliked, without coming across as bossy, without being dominant or aggressive or confrontational. 

And without even being disliked. When you’re recognized for the value you bring, and you not only make yourself shine but you make the people around you shine, nobody’s going to dislike you, people are going to appreciate you.

And that’s the beauty of assertiveness: It is clear, concise, and direct. 

You avoid conflict, misunderstandings, and people not knowing what you expect of them or what they can expect of you because you are being assertive.

Now, you may be thinking, well, Eloise, I’ve tried assertiveness before, I’ve done training, I’ve listened to podcasts, read books. And it just doesn’t work. It doesn’t work for me.

And here’s probably one of the reasons why: being assertive is not just about the words you use.

It’s about being smarter in both your verbal and non-verbal communication. 

It’s about being assertive in your words and in your body language. 

Think about it, when you hear someone being assertive just with their words, but their body language is portraying their insecurities and doubt and fear. 

There’s the sense that they’re not being genuine, they’re not being authentic. 

And you start doubting if they actually really believe what they are saying. And if the person is pressing on and trying to be even more assertive, it actually comes across as dominant. 

People don’t like that.

But if you are assertive in your words, if you are assertive in your tone, and if you are assertive in your body language, you’re being congruent. 

There’s this flow about how you say what you say. And because of that, it comes across as authentic. You don’t have to be pushy, you don’t have to be arrogant, just by the way that you are showing up. And what you are saying makes people feel like this is real.

And they’re more likely to continue to listen, and to trust you and to respect what you’re saying.

Now, these are techniques and strategies, you can learn without being perceived as aggressive. 

I’ll give you an example. 

One of the techniques I teach all my students is called fogging. 

Let’s say somebody is not agreeing with you in a meeting and they’re not open to listening to you. They just want to get their own point across.

They’re not looking forward to sharing it. Fogging is when you listen very carefully to them. And identify any valid points or truths that they are making.

You then agree with them on those points. 

When somebody hears somebody else agreeing with them, they’re no longer on the defensive. They’re not thinking about being argumentative. They just found an ally in you. 

They’re like, Oh, great, this person agrees with me. And as you are doing this, you remain calm and composed, because part of assertiveness is being able to manage your emotions.

Then tag along your idea. Your idea will piggyback on the part of their idea that you agreed with.

And now because they have an ally in you, they’re more likely to continue to agree with you because you agreed with them. 

It’s the law of reciprocity. 

Now you’re having this conversation with someone that you’re agreeing with parts of what they’re saying, and they’re agreeing with parts of what you were saying. 

Now you’re in an open conversation with someone who’s been be receptive to what you’re saying,

But you can only do that if your words and your tone and your body language are letting them know that you are being assertive. 

You’re not being dominant, you’re not being arrogant, but you’re also not being a doormat, you’re also not people pleasing or being a pushover. 

By agreeing with them or nodding your head, you’re tagging your ideas along with them. 

Now, that’s just one of the many techniques that I teach on how to be more assertive and how to be how to build authority.

Implement techniques and strategies that allow you to be heard as an equal, which will allow you to get the recognition that you deserve.

Now, in my next episode, I’m going to show you how you can transform your communication style so you can get that authority and the respect that you deserve. 

We’ll explore how assertiveness can lead to more significant leadership opportunities, business opportunities, career opportunities, recognition, opportunities. 

Before I go, I want to know, what’s that one situation where you wish you would have been more assertive?

Is there a time that you can think of, and you would say, oh, in this conversation, in that meeting, in that presentation, or in that interview, or in that internal review that I had, there was this moment where I wish I would have said something, I wish I would have advocated for myself, I wish I would have spoken up with more confidence. I wish I would have challenged what they were saying because I disagreed with what they were saying. 

If there’s a moment where you felt, you could have stepped up, you could have spoken up, you could have been more assertive, not only in what you were saying, but in how you were saying it, and how your body was representing what you were saying, then I want you to either send me a DM on social media, or send me an email. 

Let me know because your voice does matter to me. And I’m here to help you amplify it. Now there is one thing that I want to make sure you understand: building assertiveness, confidence to speak up, presence and body language, and learning to maintain your composure and manage your emotions require small steps. 

It is those small steps that will lead to significant progress. It’s not about going from zero to 100 in 6 seconds.

It’s about changing one thing today.

Because being assertive may feel uncomfortable at first for you. And that’s okay. What I want is for you to sustain that emotion, that discomfort for a little while, until it becomes easier. 

I’m a huge believer in small steps. Because I know that you and I, can both handle a little discomfort. We can live through a little discomfort. 

Too much discomfort at one point just becomes overwhelming. 

It creates more anxiety creates more stress

And eventually, that may be one of the reasons why assertiveness has never worked for you in the past: it seemed like something so unsurmountable, something that was so difficult, something that was so far from how you currently express yourself. 

And the level of discomfort it brought within you was so great that it ended up just causing more stress, more anxiety, more overwhelm, and you thought maybe this isn’t worth it. This isn’t worth it.

Small steps, small discomfort that you can tolerate. Because when we add those little steps together we turn around one day and we realize that we have completely transformed how we speak that the world around us sees us differently in response to us differently. 

And we do that by being assertive, one conversation, one meeting at a time. Every time you do that, you’ll be one step closer to becoming the leader that you are meant to be.

Thank you for spending this time with me. I will connect with you again tomorrow. 

We will talk about how to have that commanding presence, how to make sure that people know that you have walked into the room and that it is time for them to pay attention and listen to what you are saying. 

See you tomorrow. 

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