Being assertive isn't about being aggressive; it's about confidently expressing your thoughts, ideas, and boundaries while fostering collaboration and respect. Assertiveness may not have worked for you in the past, and we'll discover why and how you can change that. Join us to learn practical tips and insights to cultivate your assertiveness, amplify your influence, and lead with authenticity.

Episode 3 - Emotional Management


Hello, and welcome to our last exclusive podcast together before we meet in tomorrow’s masterclass, this is Eloise, and I’ll be honest with you, today’s topic is probably one of my favorite topics because it makes everything else possible.

It’s the glue that holds everything together. It’s also the one element that makes everything more difficult when you don’t get it right. 

It makes everything more challenging, and it makes everything else feel less authentic. 

Because when you are confident, and you are assertive, and you are advocating for yourself, and you’re getting other people to listen to you, and you’re getting other people to pay attention to you, and you’re getting other people to hear what you have to say, the one thing that’s going to have the greatest impact, and oftentimes the one obstacle that is overseen by people is… 

Emotional intelligence. 

It’s that ability to understand and manage not only your emotions but other people’s emotions as well. 

If you lack emotional intelligence, if you lack the ability to manage your emotions, and you are being assertive, and you’re being direct, and you’re being clear in what you’re saying, and the other person, for some reason, unknown to you, is getting on the defensive and starts attacking you.

If you do not know how to manage your emotions, you will go from being assertive, to being defensive, you will go from being assertive, to being argumentative, you’re gonna go from being assertive to maybe being aggressive and dominant.

Or you’re gonna go from being assertive to being passive.

Because you don’t know how to manage the emotions that come from being under attack verbally, you don’t know how to manage the other person’s emotion, emotions. 

So who feels on the defensive, who they feel attacked, and now you don’t know how to manage them, you don’t know how to manage you. And then all of a sudden, what started off as a great conversation of you being assertive, and then listening turns into a confrontation.

And it’s the same thing with executive presence or commanding presence, however you want to call it when you show up with presence, and you show up with authority. 

But then all of a sudden, you’re in a situation where you’re being challenged, when people are beat or trying to be argumentative with you, or even worse when people are intentionally trying to trigger or provoke you.

If you don’t know how to manage your own emotions in that moment, and you don’t know how to manage other people’s emotions in that moment, you may lose your presence, because you may go on the defensive, or you may start being passive.

And all of a sudden, you’re gonna deflate.

And when people see somebody else deflate in front of them, they feel like, oh, this presents thing, whatever commanding authority they wanted to have that was fake. It wasn’t genuine, it wasn’t authentic, then people start doubting you. 

And that’s why I’m so passionate about teaching emotional management, because it really is the glue that brings everything together. 

And it’s also the number one reason why, oftentimes when people take communication and leadership training but do not address emotional intelligence after a month or two months, or three months, or even a year of taking that training, they feel like they failed. 

They feel like the training failed them. And the reason is not that the training failed them. And it’s not because they failed. It’s because they were missing a the most important component. 

It’s like trying to make a cheesecake. But you’re not putting any eggs in it. Or worst, you’re not putting any cheese in it. 

And you’re wondering why your cheesecake is not coming out great.

Well, it’s because there was an ingredient missing in the recipe.

There was something missing and that missing piece is emotional intelligence. And in today’s workplace, it doesn’t matter if you’re a service provider, if you’re an entrepreneur, if you’re CEO, you’re climbing the corporate ladder. It doesn’t matter where you are in your career or business at this very moment, emotional intelligence is one of the most important skills to have to continue to grow and to reach the level of success that you want. 

More and more we are looking for leaders who have that emotional intelligence. 

And I know this because I speak with CEOs from all around the world, from startups, all the way to Fortune 100 companies. 

And they say they promote people who are emotionally intelligent. What got you in the door, the expertise, the skills, the diplomas, the knowledge is not what’s going to get you to that next level, what’s going to get you to that next level are people skills. 

They’re not the technical skills that you learn to get in. There are the people skills. And the number one people skill is emotional intelligence. 

The reason for that is when you are emotionally intelligent, you can take control of any conversation.

You can manage the most difficult personality dealing with a dominant, a narcissist, someone who’s bossy someone who’s manipulative. 

When you’re emotionally intelligent, you can deal with all of those people without breaking a sweat, without feeling like you have to fight to get your point across.

Without feeling like you have to defend yourself. Because that’s where being dominant aggressive comes from, or some people just go back to being passive, and being people pleasers, because this just gets so hard to fight all the time to get people to listen and to hear you. It just gets so hard, it gets overwhelming, it gets so frustrating, it gets so stressful, that sometimes it just feels easier to back down.

But then when that happens, not only does it chip away at your self confidence, but it takes away your fulfillment and your joy in your work and the purpose you feel for doing what you do.

And that’s why emotional intelligence is not only a common barrier that many leaders like you face, but it’s also that one skill of once you learn makes everything possible.

And I think the one thing that is very important to understand at this point is that emotional intelligence and emotional management is not emotional suppression.

I always say this emotions are like an electric current, they will run through your body you cannot suppress them because they will come out one way or another you cannot hide emotions, you cannot suppress emotions, you cannot forget emotions, they will show up in one way or another. Sometimes they show up physically in our body. And sometimes they show up in the thoughts that we have.

But they cannot be ignored.

Emotional intelligence and emotional management allows you to create this harmonious sensation within you, but also within your work environment and be more fulfilled and valued in the role that you have.

Now you may be thinking alright, Eloise, you got me, I’m convinced I need to learn emotional intelligence, I need to learn how to better manage my emotions.

How do I do that?

How do I change and enhance my emotional intelligence? 

Let me make this very clear emotional intelligence is a skill, right? It is not to be confused with empathy or compassion, which many of us have, from the get go. 

Emotional Intelligence is a skill like baking, reading, and writing. And just like reading and writing, it takes time to develop. But that doesn’t mean you can quit on your way to building more emotional intelligence. That means that you have to continue on your path to building more emotional intelligence. Because with every step that you take, you become more emotionally intelligent.

Okay, so, first thing I need you to know, you have the power to control and manage your emotional responses and navigate complex social interactions more effectively, that skill is within your power. 

Now, one of the techniques that I teach my students is what’s called emotional regulation through reappraisal. 

It’s this technique where you recognize the emotion, you reinterpret the situation, you redirect the focus, you use something that we call cognitive restructuring, you acknowledge the experience, and then you regulate your psychological and physiological response. 

Those are all the steps that we take to regulate our emotions. Now, as you can see, this is not about emotional suppression at all, nothing is being suppressed here. 

Things are being identified, acknowledged, recognized, reinterpreted, redirected and restructured so that we can move forward.

And that is one thing that I want you to know. There are steps to accomplishing this emotional regulation. And what happens is, the more that you practice, the more that you do it, the more you’ll be able to implement it in high-pressure, high-stakes situations. 

You can be in the middle of that job interview for the dream job you’ve always wanted, or meeting with your boss to be promoted. Or sitting on a panel in front of hundreds and 1000s of your peers and somebody asks you a question and you feel stuck. 

In those high stakes high pressure moment, when you know how to emotionally regulate, you will be able to control your response.

Tomorrow is our masterclass. 

I’m going to share details with you on how you can learn to better manage your emotions, better understand other people’s emotions, and create stronger and more positive relationships while being assertive and commanding. 

So that you can finally be heard as an equal, get the recognition you deserve, and have the authority that you deserve. 

Now, just like we did in the previous exclusive podcast, I want to hear from you. I want you to highlight and bring awareness to a situation where you wish you could have managed your emotions differently. 

Where you responded in a way that didn’t feel right for you. Maybe you went on the defensive and aggressive maybe you got all passive and quiet.

But how you reacted was not aligned with what you were trying to create. How you reacted was not aligned with what you wanted. And maybe two, three hours later, you’re like, oh, I should have reacted differently. I should have done things differently. I shouldn’t have said that. Or I shouldn’t have done that. And I did that. And I reacted this way because I was doing so through emotions, like my emotions took over and led the response, instead of you intentionally leading the response. 

And that’s what we’re going to go over in tomorrow’s live masterclass where I’m going to be sharing with you my five step strategy where you can instantly implement to be more assertive, to have more presence and to better manage your emotions. 

I look forward to reading your DMs on social media and your emails because as I said, your voice matters and I’m here to help you and amplify it. I will see you live in tomorrow’s masterclass. 

Take care!

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