strategy to break yourself free from a negative routine


Years ago, when my husband and I were first trying to conceive, I was convinced that everything would go according to plan.

Being the nerd I am, I spent hours reading books and searching the internet on all things from conception to birthing.

I came to the conclusion that if I tracked all the right things and timed them accordingly, we would get pregnant.

And we did. It felt like the greatest blessing.

But then we lost it.

I cried and mourned and then we tried again.

And the same thing happened.

I cried and mourned and then we tried again.

And the same thing happened…

By the second miscarriage, I had already fallen into a negative routine. The entire process of conception was no longer filled with romance and love and spontaneity.

It was filled with scheduling, timing, anxiety and a little sadness.

I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I had lost faith in the process and inevitably, in the outcome.

So when the third miscarriage happened, I was heartbroken but not surprised.

I had become unexpectant.

Day in and day out, I was going through my daily routine, unexpecting anything positive to happen.

Through this state of unexpecting, I lost my ability to own my circumstances and see them for what they were and nothing else: an obstacle that I could overcome.

I got so caught up in the negative emotions and sadness that I lost my faith that a different and happy outcome was possible.

I lost faith in the possibility.

I became unexpectant.

My life lacked expectations.

And when you give up on expectations, what you’re really doing is giving up on yourself.

When you give up on expecting miracles to happen in your everyday life, what you’re saying to the Universe and to yourself is that you don’t believe you are worthy of miracles.

Let me spoil the ending of the story and tell you that my husband and I did eventually conceive, naturally, two beautiful boys.

But before we were got there, something in me needed to change. I needed to align myself properly.

I needed to get rid of this negative routine I had gotten myself into.

Not only for the sake of eventually conceiving but for my own general well being.

How to get yourself out of a negative routine

In order to change get my happy back into my routine, I realized I needed to regain control of my circumstances.

So I developed a strategy.

You can apply this strategy to any situation.

Whenever you feel like you are in a negative routine apply this strategy. It will show up for you.

Step one: I stopped thinking about conceiving all together. That’s right. I stored away all my books and parenting magazines. I stopped calculating and timing everything. I put away the calendars. I even deleted some apps and closed my accounts on different mommy websites.

I know it sounds counterintuitive and definitely against popular belief but I needed to remove the core of the negative routine.

In order to step away from the negative, you need to clear out what is causing the negative.

You can’t keep thinking and surround yourself with what is creating the problem in the first place.

Once all of that removed, I moved on to the next step of my strategy.

Step two: I started to expect miracles every single day.

That’s right. Miracles. Every day.

Miracles are signs of Love from the Universe.

A miracle is missing someone and them calling you. It’s searching for an answer and being guided to a specific book (or a post ;)). It’s looking for an additional source of income and a friend needing help offers to pay you for your expertise.

Those are miracles. That’s the Universe guiding and loving you.

So everyday, I started my day be saying this mantra:

“Universe, I thank you for guiding me. I thank you for blessing my day with miracles.”

I didn’t look for miracles, they simply started happening.

But the true miracle, was the change in mindset. I was developing an expectant mindset.

I started to believe and expect miracles every single day and the Universe delivered.

Witnessing those daily miracles changed my mindset from unexpecting to expecting.

And that, in itself, was enough to get me out of my negative routine.

But to make sure the negativity wouldn’t creep back into my mind and that I wouldn’t fall back in my routine, I implemented my third step.

Step three: Gratitude.

Ever noticed that when you want to get pregnant, it seems every other woman is pregnant. Or when you’re financially strapped, everybody is buying a new home, driving a new car or going on vacation. Or when you’re single, everybody is in a relationship…

I used to see all these other pregnant woman and be envious.

When I implemented my third step, every time I saw a pregnant woman, I congratulated her and wholeheartedly felt happy for her.

I was grateful for the blessing she had received.

That third step literally propelled me right out of my negative routine.

Developing that strategy was a life saviour.

And the great thing about it is that you can apply it to any situation and to whatever you are going through.

If you fully commit to these steps and apply them everyday, it will get you out of whatever funk you are in.

But you have to commit to it. You have to own it.

It all comes back to self-leadership…

If you’re stuck in a negative routine, self-leadership will lead you out.

As always I love hearing from you so let me know how you can apply this strategy to your life.